Saturday, March 14, 2009

and better still

I feel like I am emerging from a dark cave. This morning, when a woman asked me how I've been, I looked at her wide native face and couldn't lie. "I've been sick for a really long time and I'm not talking about it anymore." Its a process, this getting well. I self-identify as a sick person these days. If I look back, which I am prone to do, I've been sick off and on forever. But that is the view through these eyes right now. I, like most adults who do not always make great health choices, have long periods of wellness punctuated by episodes of unwellness. But after a string of episodes, coupled with/caused by an untenable situation at home (read: stepmothering), it can look pretty dim in the rearveiw mirror.

Kari says: Birkram yoga.
Gwen says: Get sugar out of the mix
Lorretta says: the Secret
Sharon says: come with me to Mexico.

I'm willing to try anything at this point. Anything but Birkram yoga. But room temperature yoga? Yes. I'd love to give myself yoga.

We drove out to Newberg last evening. I tell my honey I like to drive out there because it reminds me of the early days of our time together, when each of us was a mystery to the other, but the truth for both of us is that we go to see brother Martin.. We go to see if he's still there, still at 84, because he knows God. Now, I think I'd be like him if I had 16 hours a day to spend contemplating the shape of the sun. Truth be told, I don't know if I could ever be that undistractable. I admire people who are able to shut it down and meditate, but I think also, sometimes, that they are into self-abuse. Denial and suffering isn't the path for me.

But neither is the treadmill of illness.

So, its kind of crunch time in my world. My home is quiet, but I still live here.

6 comments:

L. said...

I think I'd take Mexico. Mexico, protein and veggies, yoga and an audio on the law of attraction.

asia said...

that sounds like good advice.... and drink lots of water.

of course, i can't navigate the emotional world at all with out some form of sweaty exercise which in turn boosts the immune system. but then again, i think this advice might fall in the category of self-abuse, denial and suffering.

...but it feels so good when you stop

someone said...

l. - I got the video and pie. A fair compromise?

asia - yep. but I do have my bike. I visited it yesterday. It's fine and like me, anxiously awaiting the spring thaw.

L. said...

video and pie! perfect compromise!!

L. said...

ugh. exercise to the point of sweating, yes, I was going to start that. ok, here we go, let's do it. (just)

msb said...

Phoenix: like Mexico - Sunshine and mexican is spoken. I'll bake ya a pie.Bikrams right around the corner.